I mean what I say, and I say what I mean.

And I mean it when I say I'm sorry, Christina. I'm sorry for the mess that our friendship became years ago.

There, I finally said it. And I feel so much better for it. Here' why:

You and I are so different from each other, yet we are so similar it's downright scary. Our likes, dislikes, reading material, styles, habits, even our family status are all similar. Maybe it's because we were both born in 1987, or maybe it's because we both felt so different from others when we were growing up individually. Whatever it is, it makes us a unique circumstance that ended with a nasty bang, and for that...

I am sorry.

I should have never called you a whore or a slut or anything else back when I lived at the E. Watertown street trailer, but I did.

I should have never called you easy, manipulated, controlled or a puppet at the W. Chicago street house... but I did.

I should have never called you schitzophrenic, insane, crazy or mentally unstable when I lived at the Steeler lane house, but I did.

And, when I lived at the E. Madison street house, I should have never called you obsessed, ugly, fat, dumb, stupid, a liar, or anything else I called you back then.

But I did.

And I am sorry.

We bullied each other, we caused each other much drama, and we did it relentlessly. We dragged our families into it, mercilessly. We included our friends into a personal drama that was between US, maliciously. And now I see that we shouldn't have.

I forgive you for everything, and I won't go into detail about all of it here, but just know that I mean EVERYTHING. We were young, hormonal and easily offended. If we could have learned to set our differences aside and just let the petty shit go, we could have been great life-long friends, and our children would have been childhood friend/cousins. And our husbands would have guzzled beer, got fat and became gaming warriors online (and at poker tables) together.

Instead we are life-long bad memories to one another. My goal, starting today (the 10th year of my mother-in-law being dead) is to only remember good things about you. Because I deserve to be happy, and you deserve the peace. And my mother-in-law deserves to have a daughter-in-law that won't continue the family curse of squabbling with other family members into their golden years.

My fondest memory of you is when you held me while I cried at my locker, and you told me it was going to be ok, you were going to stick by me. That was back when I was suddenly single for a week and in my first trimester of my pregnancy. Thank you so much for that, you helped me feel a glimmer of hope in a whirlpool of despair.

So here's me hoping you someday get to talk to the turkeys again, have lots of lesbian lovers, feel more preggo bellies of friends, hold their newborn babies in the hospital, get tipsy in a trailer house somewhere on the north side, and have a friend come to your aide when you have family hospital issues.

Good luck in life my fellow Fae Mermaid 1987-born 2-colored eyed high school Physics classmate!!!

=)

-Summer C.